life and work and stuff

I think I may have pissed off a couple of people whose ideas I respect. (It’s also possible someone else’s opinions caused the friction, but I started that particular topic, and it could have been my writing, so the principle applies.) I wrote, on one of my e-lists, that I do not understand adults, more often women, who don’t do anything -- I tend to think an adult should somehow earn his or her place on the planet. (The previous sentence is the part that pissed people off -- it’s just a recap, so even if it annoys you, please keep reading to watch me place my foot further into my mouth.)

I specifically noted that this applies only to the ones who really don’t do anything, not just to people who don’t work for pay. Raising a child well, or creating something, or working as a volunteer, certainly do not qualify as doing nothing, and in the greater scheme of the world, may do a lot more good than simply bringing home a paycheck.

Still, there are people worth listening to who do want to quit their day jobs, so that earning a living doesn’t get in the way of doing all the cool stuff there is to do. I understand this to a degree; I would like nothing better than to quit my job and spend my time traveling, and writing and taking photos of my travels. If my time were sufficiently unregimented to allow the simple pleasure of sleeping in when I chose, so much the better.

On the other hand, I understand only to a degree -- I would still prefer to get paid for that writing and photographing, rather than being supported by someone else (though I think, somehow, I could manage to deal with being supported by a grant or trust fund, however undeserved). On still another of Shiva’s hands, another factor in growing up is realizing that just because I don’t get it, doesn’t mean that other people’s choices are wrong.

I’ve spent more time thinking about this, and realized two things. I realize that, even though I’m always astonished that others would take my bourgeois and occasionally flaky opinions seriously, somethimes they do. Sometimes my opinons will piss other people off. I don’t think that means I should necessarily change anything just to keep everyone happy; what it does mean is that I have a responsibility to make sure that I have made the effort to go all the way, that I have followed the direction of my thought down its logical path -- or that I clearly state I have not done so and am still forming my opinions. I may still anger someone, but at least it will be for a reason, and not just through sloppiness.

The other thing I realized, was that my original opinion, that adults should earn their lebensraum, is something I had decided years ago and that should be reexamined. I still think a person should produce some sort of contribution to the world, or at least be self-sustaining, in the course of his or her life. However, a life can be a long time -- enough time to work and to learn and to rest, to create and to have fun. And if some time off to prepare for, or to rest from, the rigors of work are indicated, perhaps that either makes for a better person (because influence on others is one of the things we do with our lives, after all) or a better contribution, in the long run.

If this all sounds pompous, I’m sorry, I’m still working on that. If it sounds judgemental, it’s not meant to be. While I’ve talked in terms of other people’s lives, I’m really just trying to figure out how to run my own.

Another thing that bothers me is that it’s only women who seem to talk about or take time off. There are, of course, those women who think it’s their right only because of their gender, because they’re delicate flowers who should be supported by strong men. But let’s confine this discussion to people who matter. Among those, I suspect, the biggest hitch to men taking time off is the men themselves. Either they’re so immersed in the work culture that the idea never occurs, or they’re worried about the opinions of other men. Now if we could rearrange the world so everyone could work some and play some and rest some ..... no one would need to believe in heaven because there would be nothing left to wish for.