Dichroic Reflections

stuff

I think I'm in a holding pattern right now - rowing camp's over and I've got nothing exciting coming up unless you count a local work conference next week or a birthday in six weeks (a little too far away for even me to get exceited about yet.) Various stuff, good, bad and confusing happened otherwise.

The lake has reopened as of Saturday, but it's only open from dawn to dusk so I can't go back to regular training even if I wanted to. However, I was noticing my thighs touching as I walked today - not sure if they're actually bigger or if it's just that I've been wearing pants mostly instead of skirts, but either way it's an reminder that I should be doing a little more than the current low level of exercise. Rudder and I did go out rowing on Saturday; the lake water was brown and muddy, with trash washed up on shore, but beautifully calm. I just did one lap lightly, working on all the technique changes from camp.

Yesterday he went out rowing again while I went flying - She-Hulk came along to ride with me because she's been wanting to learn to fly and wanted to see what it was like. Unfortunately, since I hadn't flown in two weeks I kept overshooting my turns and having to tilt back the other way, which got her a little - not queasy, but on the edge of it. On the other hand I was flying under the hood, using instrument techniques, so all turns and changes in altitude were very slow and gentle and I made two excellent landings. In other words, aside from a little bit of turbulence, this was about as gentle as flight in a small plane is likely to be. Still, you do feel turbulence more in a small plane than a big one, and she was in the back seat which moves more in turns and from which visibility is more limited. I htink she liked it otherwise, and I suspect that in the front seat she'd have no issues - and of course more experience and being in control herself will both help. I do hope she decides to learn to fly.

I did get down to the decrease section on Clapotis but have put it aside for a few days. I only had one remaining ball of yarn which I'd taken a bit out of the middle of to match colors in an earlier section. I used part of it that matched onto the last bit well enough, but to go to my remaining bit I'd have had to do a transition from lime green directly to turquoise (it's supposed to go lime->olive->shamrock green->turquoise) and it looked too abrupt. I wasn't at all sure I had enough yarn to finish and had ordered an extra skein from Lamb's Ear Farm on Saturday so I'll have to wait. The people at Lamb's Ear seem very responsive and I know they're going to ship it today; I just hope it gets here quickly. Meanwhile I do have a few other things to work on.

The new bed has arrived safely and I can now sit up and read or knit comfortably in bed. It does rather, er, dominate the room, though. If I ever decide to hold court from bed (was it Louis XVI who did that?) I now have the platform from which to do it, though it's dubious how many courtiers would fit into our room now. The only real drawback to having a headboard when I'm not used to one is that now when I roll over, if my arms are above my head I'm apt to bang on it accidentally and I'm always afraid I'll wake Rudder.

Possible TMI below cut tag.

I'd been feeling a little odd lately - sort of a pre-period feeling in a post-period week; some of you will know what I mean. Combine that with the very light flow I'd had week before last, and, well, what LA had put into my head, and I figured I'd try something I'd always been a little curious about. One line showed. I can now confirm (at least, I presume I can) that pregancy tests do work even when you're on the pill (and, as always, that the pill really does work, but the past half of my life has been ample confirmation of that.

I'm oddly disappointed, somehow, slightly, and a little wistful. On the other hand, when I imagine how I'd feel if someone said, "You're fired and you'll never have a decent job again," I feel as if I'd been punched in the solar plexus and branded a terrible failure for life. If the pill did turn out not to be foolproof, I might not be aghast, but I think this is my brain's way of telling me which path I ought to take as long as I get to choose.

Another thing: I think if I did ever get pregnant under these circumstances (38 years old and on the pill) I'd be at such high risk that I wouldn't tell anyone but Rudder for a very long time - not even you virtual people out there in the electrons. It would be such high-risk and if I did miscarry far too many people I know, both IRL and on the web, would be hurt, either from reliving their own disappointments or from being happy about it and then having to realign emotions. But anyway, I'm not.

Posted by dichroic at January 24, 2005 02:51 PM