Who in hell makes Caesar salad with pineapples? I mean, who other than the cafeteria here? Even though I got mine made without them (as did the guy in line before me) they toss it in the same bowl, so my salad still had a disturbing bit of sweetness. That just ain't right.
On the way to work this morning, I was considering superpowers. I came to the surprising realization that most of the ones in comic books wouldn't actually do me much good, in this life I've evolved. Take it hero by hero:
1) The Fantastic Four: It's fairly clear that setting things on fire or looking like a bunch of rocks wouldn't be much good to me. Sue Storm's and Mr. Fantastic's powers sound more useful at first gasp, but what good would they really do? At work it's usually better for me to be seen than to be invisible. I could sneak around and watch Rudder, but I'm fairly sure he doesn't do anything incriminating when I'm not there. There have been a couple of bosses where I'd have liked to find out what exactly they did in the office, but that's minor. As for Mr. Fantastic, I can just see it: I'm in a meeting, and realize I've left my tea in my office. I casually stretch my hand down under the table, along the floor, out of the room, down the hall, and into my office .... where I proceed, since I can't see, to knock over my monitor and spill the tea onto my keyboard. I'd get myself in trouble with that one. The one thing that would help: I could stretch my legs and torso until I'm about 6'3", which should help my rowing speed a lot. But then they probably wouldn't let me compete with all the non-stretchies.
2) Spiderman: There's a reason he lives in New York. Out here, buildings are widely spaced and not many are over two stories. He'd be going Swing! - thud. Swing! - thud. Spider-strngth? t might help in rowing, but then again, that wouldn't be fair in competition. Otherwise, the heaviest thing I generally lift is the bottle on a water cooler, and I can manage that now. It might be nice with the odd stubborn bottle cap, but it's usually easy enough to find help with those if I need it. The spidey-sense might be nice, though, when sitting at a computer with my back to the door - but reorganizxing my office this morning worked just as well.
3) Superman: As for super-strength, see above. X-ray vision? Might be useful if I were a mechanic or doctor. Heat vision might be good for cooking, but stoves work pretty well, too. Flying would be nice, I admit, and if I could fly faster than a car (Superman can; he can fly faster than the Earth's rotational speed) it would shorten my commute, so that would be valuable. I bet I'd get cold, though. If I could dress warmly enough, it would make getting to regattas easier: "Don't worry about the boat - I'll just fly it out there."
4) Batman: Now, here's a man with some useful attributes: filthy rich, motivated, wildly inventive. Only, of course, those aren't the superpowers he got from being Batman but rather the things that let him make himself into Batman. Those would all be useful to me, but they're not exactly superpowers. It might be almost as much fun to be Richard Branson ... except I bet his vehicle's not as cool as the Batmobile. No, wait, it is.
Posted by dichroic at November 1, 2004 12:43 PMIt has always been my great wish to be able to fly. Ever since I watched Peter Pan for the first time. When I was young I'd try jumping from chairs to see if I couldn't flap my arms hard enough. Fortunately I was clever enough to never jump from anything higher than chairs ;)
Posted by: Maria at November 1, 2004 11:00 PM