I don't know if it's that "maturity" thing I keep hearing rumors about, but one
thing I've noticed is that the older I get, the less of a drama queen I want to
be. (Was it Mark Twain who said, "It's amazing how much maturity resembles being
too tired"?) That may not be totally obvious to recent acquaintances; I still like
having people pay attention to me and even at work where I actively practice the
application of tact (such as I can) no one is usually in doubt of how I feel on an
issue. But the mere fact that I can (attempt to) be diplomatic without wondering
whether I am somehow being untrue to my "real self" is a sign of change, and so is
that fact that Rudder and I fight much less than we used
to.
Incidentally, I've never quite figured out how one would go about
finding one's "real self", as so many people still want to do. Dig in the
backyard? Use a dowsing rod? I finally came to the conclusion that for me at
least, my "self" is something that develops as a result of my experiences and
thoughts, rather than something passively waiting to be discovered.
My favorite quote on happiness is, typically, an engineering sort of
viewpoint: "Trying to be happy is like trying to design a machine whose only
requirement is that it shall run noiselessly." In other words, the first question
is not how will you be but what will you *do*? Then you can decide to feel happy
about that or to change it. I'm not trying to say dogmatically that attitude is
only a matter of choice. No matter what Victor Frankl said, there are some
situations in which I could not feel happy and which I coudln't change. Even
without going to the extreme of Auschwitz, there are people here in the
blogosphere who've had fate punch them in the guts, without their having proffered
any sort provocation.
I do find though that the diaries I read first
are those who are contented
href="http://www.baraita.net/blog">with
href="http://sometoast.diaryland.com">their
href="http://www.marissalingen.com">current
href="http://squirrelx.diaryland.com">lives even with the occasional problem,
or else though who are trying
href="http://lathesage.diaryland.com">to
href="http://sixweasels.diaryland.com">build lives with which they can be
contented.
I admire people who are doing their best to deal with
href="http://trancejen.diaryland.com">body
href="http://caerula.diaryland.com">blows life sometimes lands. I think the
Norse had a point when they included Loki in the pantheon. But I'm getting older
here -- I don't have time for self-inflicted angst anymore.