Second entry of the day ... there's an entry describing yesterday's regatta href="http://dichroic.diaryland.com/silvergold.html">here.
I
noticed this weekend that I'm feeling a lot better lately: more relaxed, less
flustered. I think this started in Boston, where I had four beautifully relaxed
days to spend with Rudder, where the only thing either of us had to do at a
scheduled time was to row one race on Saturday, and the only other things we had
to do were of our own choosing. It was quite wonderful to wake up late on Thursday
morning (after getting in past one the night before) and know that there was no
reason not to linger in bed.
Things are cooling down a little at
work, too, and in rowing I've been fairly successful at quieting my mind. In fact
I was thinking this morning that it's a bit like martial arts, in that I row
better and faster if I find my center and keep controlled. Often when I'm flailing
a bit I can just slow down my rate and smooth it out and find that my split time s
have actually gone down.
I should have realized I was doing better
from last week's diary entries, on the theory that if I have time and space to
think about how I haven't been contemplative enough, that in itself must
necessarily herald an improvement. There have been other signs. Saturday was a
wonderfully relazing day for us, but I still got through just about everything I'd
wanted to do: loads and loads of laundry, food shopping (the pantry was pitiful),
some studying for work, a bit more book-cataloging, and even a start on
embroidering She-Hulk's signature onto our tablecloth, from the dinner a few weeks
ago. It was a welcome change to relax and still be productive, as opposed to being
so dragged out from the week that I had no desire to do anything, as in the weeks
before Boston. I even found myself at a bit of a loose end Saturday evening, in a
mood to connect with other people (as opposed to wanting to retreat from them) and
worried about a few online friends. As a result I decided to take a leap and call
Batten -- we'd met in person once, but
it was a year ago. Score! Turned out I'd crashed a mini-DiaryCon and I got to
speak to not only Batten but also
href="http://sixweasels.diaryland.com">Sixweasels and
href="http://zencelt.diaryland.com">Zencelt. Wish I could have been there in
person to hit the bars with them, but this was next best.
Another sign is that my brain is creaking over toward thoughtfulness (relatively
speaking) again. This morning, prompted by a remark made by Al Sharpton of all
people, I found myself thinking on the topic, "Dulce et decorum est", constructing
an entry exploring whether I would be willing to die for my country. (Concise
summary: the amount I'd be willing to sacrifice depends on the exact definition of
the last three words, or maybe just on the definition of "for".)
Earlier, during practice, I turned my boat with the wind and
immediately felt my blades riding the wind before each stroke. There's a poem in
that phrase, "riding the wind", and if I can pull it together into a real poem I
will know my brain is back. (If I can pull it into a not-hackneyed poem I will
rejoice with great jubilation.)