Today is my Grandmom Rose's 91st birthday. Unfortunately, she died about five
years ago, so I can't call her to wish her a happy one. Lucky for the rest of us,
she did live until her mid-80s; in fact, I was very lucky because I had four
living grandparents until I was in college. (Rudder still has four, all still
living on their own; I keep telling him he needs to call them often, but it seems
to be hard for him to see why he should change his family's usual pattern. I hope
he figures it out before he loses them, because they're all
great.)
My Brother the Writer and I were lucky in more than just
having living grandparents, in fact; they were also very good at being
grandparents, epsecially my mother's parents. We were the only grandchildren and
my grandfather thought we walked on water. (After all, we wouldn't be the first
Jewish kids to do it.) My grandmother thought pretty highly of us, too, but had a
somewhat more realistic view.
She didn't think much of my sense of
style, I don't think; she thought I should always wear jewelry and makeup. (I
wonder whether she'd had to fight to wear cosmetics in her youth? Her mother was a
strong character, though much faded by the time I knew her.)She believed in
wearing fancy underwear and nightgowns; that's one of those things I'd rather not
speculate on.
She and my grandfather argued all the time; I think
they enjoyed it. For someone who never learned to drive, she was a very outspoken
backseat driver. She thought I was a much better driver than my mother (actually,
that's the generally-held opinion) though I think she got a little annoyed the
time she and my uncle were visiting me in Houston and I drove all the way to
Austin without stopping to stretch our legs. (They kept saying vegue things like
"We should probably stop sometime," but never actually said "Let's stop soon.")
She was timid about water, one of those old ladies who would go in
only halfway and then splash themselves to cool off. Even every summer when they
took us down the shore (what Philadelphians call Atlantic City) for the day, she
would never take me in more than ankle deep. I was eight or nine before I even
knew you could swim in the ocean. She wasn't timid about dealing with
people at all, though when she got very old she got nervous riding through bad
neighborhoods or on steep roads. SHe and my uncle took several trips after my
grandfather died and he delighted in taking her on places like the Pacific COast
Highway -- she enjoyed it once she calmed down, but he wouldn't tell her about it
in advance.
My grandfather used to say she'd been a "hotsy-totsy" in
her youth, and I don't think he knew the half of it. She had some hilarious
stories she didn't tell us until after he'd died -- he'd been there for some of
them, though, like the times they went out drinking during Prohibition. I doubt,
though, that she ever strayed after they were married and she had no desire to
take on another man after he died, though several asked her out.
She
was outspoken all her life. She didn't talk about politics much, but whenever she
did mention an opnion, I delighted in how closely they matched mine. That was back
when "family values" were much discussed; well, MY family's values weren't exactly
what the religious conservatives who loved that phrase had in mind. She knew well
enough what it was like to have to be careful about money, and she remembered how
necessary the Depression social programs had been -- not coddling people who
didn't need it, but providing a safety net to keep desperate people off the
rocks.
She was close to her sister and to the cousins they'd been
raised with; there weren't safety nets in her youth and her widowed mother and
aunt brough their children up together. She had a job for most of her life, as did
my great-grandmother; the women in my family never really expected to stay home.
Mom may have taken more time off work to raise children than any other generation
of us. I may be the first one to work when it wasn't absolutely necessary to pay
for rent and food. (Of course, you could say the same about Rudder's working.
Either way.)
She and my grandfather spoiled us; they told us we were
wonderful but never to the point of letting us be bratty. We saw them every few
days, because they lived only a few blocks away. (About ten minutes walk, but we
never walked and I was probably in high school before I realized you could
walk the distance.) With all the squabbling they did, I never ever heard either of
them complain about my grandfather's heart condition having spoiled their
retirement plans -- didn't even know until my uncle told me that story a few years
ago.
They were the best grandparents you could have, and I miss them
both.