Went shopping today, because I had a bit of time and I felt like it. I wanted a
pair of men's 501s, they being my most-appropriate for work jeans, and I wanted to
look for a couple other items. A long jacket. Mascara, maybe. A bra that won't
show under even clingy clothes (that one's an eternal quest).
Small
digression, since I've mentioned that before and I'm writing from home instead of
work. I'm not comfortable posting some things from work, just in case someone
really is watching. The reasons I have so much trouble finding the ideal bra are
twain. I'm quite small breasted, so edges and decorations seem to show more,
because more of the shirt is actually against my breasts. There is no deep
cleavage there. Second, my nipples stick out -- I mean, they show even through
most of my bras. Even when I'm not cold. But when I found one that seemed to work
(Gap T-shirt bra, $34) I noticed that with this stiffer (though not padded)
cup, when I slump, the cups and my body part company. I suppose the answer is not
to slump, but how likely is that?
End of TMI, back to regular
discussion.
At Express, a store I've never really shopped at much, I
found a jacket. And pants to go with it, and boyfriend jeans I actually liked a
bit better than the 501s I finally found at Sears. There was a minor problem,
though, aside from the fact that the jacket was $128 (which is probably
reasonable, but was more than I'd thought of spending). I'd worn a comfy old
Henley top and my silly jeans, the ones that are so low that if I sit down
uncarefully, someone may try to hire me a s aplumber. They're comfortable, though,
having a high proportion of spandex. The problem was that with those jeans on and
the top off, especially with the integral belt cinched tight (to try to avoid the
plumber look) every tme I looked in the mirror all I saw was belly. (Well, I did
notice some nice back muscles in one mirror angled just right.) My weight is at
the higher end of my range just now, though I was still trying on my regular
sizes, more or less. The Express jeans were a size up, but the dress pants were my
usual size. Still, somehow I decided if I had gained weight, I didn't deserve more
clothes and shouldn't buy any until it went away again.
What the fuck
is up with that? Since when is weight a moral issue? I don't even really believe
that, when I stop to think about it, but apparently it's a prejudice lurking in my
subconscious. Another one to root out -- dangerous to me, obnoxious to others, and
just silly.
Next choice is, do I go back and buy those clothes
tomorrow, if I have time (somewhat doubtful) or do I decide that, stupid as my
reasoning was, at least it kept me fiscally prudent?