Note: There were two things I wanted to write today, and the subjects were so
disparate I decided to split them into two separate entries. The earlier one is
much happier. Go here
to read it -- especially if you're SWooP.
I can really see how eating
disorders would be appealing. No, I'm not turning pro-ana or anything. But I can
see where the idea of eating less and less, and purging or exercising more and
more, could be a hard lure to resist.
Last night, I was a bit
unwell, probably as a reaction to eating too much popcorn at the
href="http://dichroic.diaryland.com/cirque">Cirque du Soleil IMANX movie, with
that oily crap they call "butter" that has no flavor but is necessary to make the
butter-flavored salt stick to the kernels. (And what evilspawn invented
that backward system?) Without going into details nobody, including me,
wants to dwell on, I probably lost a pound or two of water weight. This morning I
felt enough better that I couldn't quite justify skipping the gym. While doing my
upright rows in front of a mirror, I noticed that my ab definition was noticeably
better than usual. Hmm. And at the cost of only a couple hours of discomfort and a
few hurried trips to the bathroom.
Now, no one needs to worry about
me turning into Calista junior. I am not self-disciplined enough to give up my
pretzels, and even if I were, I am serious enough about my rowing that I wouldn't
stop eating healthy food, or do anything to lower my energy level. Also, I'm
happily married, I get paid enough attention by others to make me feel at least
reasonably attractive, and I'm fairly happy with how I look and very pleased with
who I've grown into. But suppose some of those things weren't true. Suppose I were
alone, and off balance. Suppose I'd been fed the message that no one would think I
was sexy unless I looked like an actress so many times that I believed it. Suppose
I didn't do sports and felt no need to be strong. Then yes, I can see how that
glimpse of abs shown off by a bit of involuntary loss of water weight could make
voluntary purging seem logical. And I can see how the next step could be factoring
exercise into everything I do, and then eating less, and then, and then, and
then...
There are so many things to enjoy about being 35 instead of
17. The fact that self-destruction becomes much less appealing is one of
them.