Dichroic Reflections

Now what?

While this time staying home has certainly been pleasanter than I expected, I am
ready for it to be over. More than ready. Champing at the bit. I have never, since
leaving college, lived on someone else's money. There is nothing wrong with doing
so, when you're doing other parts of keeping a family running, but it would
require a much bigger mental shift than I want to make at the moment. Also, it's a
lot harder to justify when you don't have children, or a budding book or business
to work on. For me, it's not so much a question of how much Rudder makes (more
than I had realized) but of wanting my own money to play with, without
responsibilities to anyone else.

I really should get back to that
book project I was working on a few months back. I haven't felt comfortable with
myself for just abandoning it. All I really need to do is brush up the proposal a
bit and then do the work of mocking up a few pages -- more a matter of finding
what to put in them than anything else.

Also, considering I haven't
even had interviews, it's getting harder to believe that this lag between jobs
isn't my fault, that I couldn't be applying to more places, or making my resume
better, or something, anything, that I'm not doing but should be.

I
keep thinking I should go back to school, but the next thought is invariably, "But
for what?" I'm not sure it's worth the time and effort until the answer to that
one is clear. And it's not, unless I want to go all the way to a Ph.D. and become
a professor, which I might like, but the road there is longer than I'm prepared to
deal with.

So now what?