Mechaieh reminds me that it's
necessary to keep writing so you'll be able to manage the magic when it does come.
She put it much more clearly than that, of course, but the basic idea is that I'll
never be able to play symphonies if I don't practice scales. I guess I knew that,
really; I was just so blown away by Yeats
href="http://dichroic.diaryland.com/yeatsgram.html">yesterday that I was
feeling a bit self-pitying.
Or maybe I'm just having a little private
pity party today. I wasn't feeling great last night, for no real reason, and
Rudder's fighting off a cold, so we skipped the usual Wednesday outing. Anyway, we
like having a few drinks with Egret and T2, but we do get a bit tired of the same
Mexican place every week. This morning I slept in and skipped the gym.
I want to make extremely sure I am not sick for this weekend -- I'm
looking forward to Mechaieh's visit and only regretting that she won't be here
long enough to see all the stuff I'd like to show her. There are a lot of cool
things about Phoenix; my complaints about it are only because I feel ready to move
on now. (And of course, summer here pretty much sucks.)
I've just
realized that's why Rudder's attitude sounds wrong to me. He's willing to move
away, to one of a very few places, but wants me to go there a while first, to find
out if whatever job I find is the "right" one, before he uproots and joins me. No
doubt this would make more sense to me if I'd ever had a job I liked as much as he
seems to like this one. My view is that it doesn't have to be the right job or the
right place, because what I'd prefer is to go somewhere, almost anywhere, live
there or two-three years, then move on. I don't want to stop until we both fall in
love with a place so deeply that neither one has any desire to move. Damn. Itchy
feet and a spouse who doesn't share them. At least he does like to
travel.
I actually found myself stopping yesterday to think,
href="http://dashenka.diaryland.com/100401.html">Dashenka and
href="http://longdistance.diaryland.com">Louise must be together just about
now. Either I spend way too much time reading diaries, or joy has a long echo. I
prefer to think it's the latter.