Dichroic Reflections

ordeal by bleach

A month or so ago, I went and got my teeth zoom-bleached, where they use the high intensity light to bleach teeth in a couple of hours. (If you saw me in person, you wouldn't notice. They're not freakishly white-white, just the shade teeth are supposed to be instead of rather yellowish.) Part of the deal was that they give you bleaching trays so you can re-whiten every six months or a year to take care of new stains.

For some reason I never understood, the tech wanted me to make an appointment to come back to get the trays made, instead of doing it there. Then there would be yet another appointment to pick them up. I had an appointment coming up with my regular dentist, another branch of the same office, and they do bleaching trays, just not the zoom bleaching, so I asked if I could get the trays made there. After a little discussion, they agreed.

Since I live far across town from where I work, and I prefer to keep all my doctors close to home (on the theory that that's where I'll be if I'm ever actually sick) it's not easy for me to get to appointments. Not only do I have to take off the time of the appointment, but I also have to take an additional hour to get there. I went to the dentist, hoping he could fix a chipped tooth as well as make the trays. No luck on the chip (too small) but they did take the mold. I made an appointment to visit again in a week or so to pick up the trays and spent 20 minutes explaining that I had already paid for the trays, at the other office.

When the week was up I went back. For those wanting to keep score at home, this makes five dentist appointments in a short period of time: one for a cleaning and to get a referral for the bleaching; one to consult with the bleaching tech; one to do the bleaching; one to get the trays made; and one to pick up the trays. They informed me that the trays had not come out and would need to be remade. They took my mold again (the tech was obviously not experienced with this, which didn't raise my confidence) but this time told me I could just stop in to pick them up and get the fit checked when I was in the area, no appointment needed.

Yesterday, I had my annual poke and prod scheduled at my OB-Gyn, who's in the same building. I called the dentist two days ahead of time to verify I wouldn't need an appointment and was assured this was the case. I left work an extra half hour earlier to have time to deal with the dentiat before going to my checkup. No extraordinary clairvoyance will be required for the astute reader to figure out what I was told when I walked into the dentst office and asked for my trays.

I discussed the matter with the receptionist, who spoke to the office manager. The receptionist said she was very sorry but I would still need an appointment. I explained further and in more aggrieved (but still polite) tones and offered to speak to the manager myself. She went off, spoke to the manager at length, and finally came back with my trays, which they had decided to give me "because I was so upset". Presumably, med school is no longer required; now you merely need to be associated with a health-related practice to be entitled to patronize patients. She also made it clear I'd have to come back iwith a proper appointment if the trays didn't fit.

At least the OB-Gyn appointment was as pleasant as these things can get -- a half hour wait, but they had decent magazines, and my NP is intelligent and personable. Also, I have been grateful for the past few years that they've retired those cell-sampling, innard-yanking wire brushes that replaced the old cotton swabs, in favor of softer plastic scrapers. Other women will know what I mean.

Again, no clairvoyance will be required to predict what happened when I tried on the bleach trays later that evening. Sure enough, they didn't fit. I spent some time monkeying with the trays in front of a mirror, wondering how good they had to be and whether I could make them fit well enough by cutting off some of the back teeth, which don't need to be bleached anyway. It was then that I realized the unusual part.

I've had my wisdom teeth removed. I've also had the foremost molars pulled when I got my braces, because they didn't think my mouth would have room for them. (They were right. I don't know where I'd fit four more.) As a result, I have only 24 teeth, 12 upper and 12 lower, rather than the standard-issue 32 or even the common 28. I counted. The trays had 14 teeth on the upper left, 14 on the upper right, 14 teeth on the lower left, 14 on the lower right.

They gave me someone else's teeth.

Once this debacle is done, I will certainly be calling my health insurance company for a recommendation to another dentist.

Posted by dichroic at May 18, 2004 04:58 PM